I know of a woman who thought if she lost weight and got physically healthy that she would have everything in the world she wanted. This woman took it to the extreme and ended up owning her own gym, built a circle of gym friends, lost the weight, got fit and by all terms achieved her health goal. Guess what? She wasn’t happy. Her focus wasn’t where it needed to be. “Happy” does not come from outside sources. Now, you might be thinking to yourself that getting into good condition was not an outside source because it deals with your own body, but it is. She based her physical appearance on what others thought and what she bought into as being happy based on her looks and athleticism.
So, where does happiness come from then? Complements? Doing well at your job? Having people like you? Those are all nice ideas and do make us happy for a moment, but what can make us feel happy for longer than a moment? Many books and videos have tried to answer this question. Laws of Attraction, The Secret, Kabbalah, The 4 Agreements, Think and Grow Rich, Dr. Phil, Joel Olstein, Les Brown and so many others. They all actually say the same thing with just a little different angel on it.
Think it, see it, believe it. Visualize. Be thankful for it as if you already have it. These are all successful and truthful statements but do they give you happiness? Some people say passion, drive and ambition. Again, I say do those things make you happy? Many think success and overcoming your failures to reach goals, which is a great feeling but after you own your own business, run the company, make more money than you can count…are you happy? Where does happiness come from? The quick answer is from within you. Yes, that is the truth and if you thought that as a response, great job but now you have the life time battle of figuring out who you are? What are you? Where do you come from? Why are you here? To say happiness comes from you is to vague, lets go deeper. Let me ask you a question. How do you feel about you? Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? Guess what?
That is the answer to finding your happiness. I once had a girlfriend ask me, “Do you love yourself?” For a shock factor I said, “No” but it was me that was shocked. She replied with, “How can you love anyone before you love yourself first?” Her words stuck with me to this day.
In order to be happy, you must value yourself to the highest of levels.
The friends you have. The job you have. The money you make. The car you drive. All of these will show you at what level you hold your value. If you date someone that treats your poorly that’s because you do not think you deserve better than that. If you hang out with people who put you down and make you feel bad or sad, that is because you are letting their view of you out weigh your own view of yourself and that is low. Is your house cluttered or your car a mess? Because you do not care, right? That is saying you do not care about yourself.
If you have all of the love and support in the world and everyone around your encourages you to succeed, you know what the problem is? You are! You need to get out of your own way. If I told you that you are beautiful or handsome, would you believe me? What if I said, “Wow! I cannot believe how smart you are, could you embrace that and own it? When people complement you do you shrug it off as no big deal? Millions of sperm swam their way to get to the egg, millions of them and you are the one in a million that made it. You are. Now, comes the work.
Now, that you are aware of the truth behind where happiness comes from, you can make the changes. Trust me, it is a slow process. It might be with a morning thought that takes 3 secs. After about 1 week that 3 seconds will grow and grow and grow. People will start to wonder why you are happy all of the time. They will question if you are on drugs. Many will not like it. Many will try and keep you down and make you stay where they are. You make them feel more badly about themselves and they do not like that. “Why do you think you are so special?”, “Who do you think you are to come into the office whistling like you do not have a care in the world?” It is strange, but true. Guess what? When that starts to happen, you will know you have raised your level of value and now it is time to raise it even higher. The sad thing is, you can share your new found discovery with them, but if they are not ready for it they will not do it. Even with you being the living proof of it, they will not go for it. As time goes on, unless you are forced to work with them or you live with them as family, you will cut these people our of your life and you will begin to surround yourself with like minded people.
Now, you will find yourself happy. Good for you. You should be proud of yourself. I am.